Respect the ‘No’

In our culture, we have learned to take offence to someone saying “No” to us. It goes both ways too: We ourselves may feel guilty when we must refuse someone, even though we may do it politely. I have been on both sides of the situation in my life. There have been times when I have regretted not being able to say “No” when I had too much on my plate already. Many other times, I have been disappointed by someone’s decision to opt-out of an engagement. It is difficult to unlearn, but it remains an important life lesson.

I was interested to write about this topic because my friend and reader of the blog, Sudarshan Srinivasan, sent me an interesting story recently. Regular readers may be familiar with him, as he often sends me such thought-provoking short anecdotes. I find these little stories useful to discuss in the classroom, and I hope you find value in them too!

The following is a commonly-shared story.

“The Bird and The Tree.”

Once upon a time, there was a little bird searching for a home. It was going to be monsoon soon, and she had to build a nest to protect herself from the rains. It had to be a safe place to lay her eggs too. The bird searched far and wide. Finally, the search led it to a forest. It looked like the forest was full of trees which could be the perfect cover in the case of a heavy downpour.

The bird approached the first tree and asked for its protection. To its shock and dismay, the tree flatly refused to give it shelter.
Disheartened but determined, it flew to another tree next to it. Luckily for the little creature, the second tree agreed. So, it built its nest in the small hole in the trunk of the tree and laid its eggs.

Soon enough, the weather changed. This year, the rains were relentless. It was so heavy that the first tree fell and was carried away by the flood! Seeing it float by, the bird taunted it: “See, isn’t this Karma? You rejected me when I needed help, and now you have been punished for it?”

The tree with a brave face said, “I already knew that I was not going to survive this rainy season. My roots felt weak, and I couldn’t take the risk of hurting you and your children’s lives!” The bird was shocked to hear this and it wanted to take its harsh words back. The tree continued, “I had to refuse because I wanted to protect you.” Ashamed and hurt, the bird gave a meek apology and fell silent.

Moral of the story:
Always respect the NO. A good fortune may lie behind a refusal or rejection that one may be unaware of in the moment but may reveal itself in time.

I really enjoyed this short story.

The first thing to understand is that we should not always consider someone’s “NO” as their arrogance, since we don’t know the whole picture. The story clearly demonstrates this learning. There could be many reasons that someone must have chosen not to oblige, which sometimes even you cannot help. Sometimes, we get so self-involved in our problems that we forget to assess the other person’s point of view. If you can respect someone’s “No”, you also would not be subject to their petty lies to escape the situation. It is because you are not being judgemental and can accept their truth.

Respecting “No’s”, both your own and others, builds character. Even if the decision is not in your favour, you must accept it without rage. You never know what good lies ahead, and which new path this single “No” can lead you to.